Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
