You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
