your room smells of hookers.
And success
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
