If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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