oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
