Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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