she woke up with a sticky ear
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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