So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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