I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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