i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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