i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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