bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
