I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
