I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize