Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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