She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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