did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
