You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
