you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
barbara walters just said penis...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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