And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
