He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize