My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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