Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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