Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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