birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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