Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
