Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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