I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Randomize
