Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
