Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
