but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
