Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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