we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
