not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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