she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
