I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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