barbara walters just said penis...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
