You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
