she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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