Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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