What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
