Only a mothe r could love this liver
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
