At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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