why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
