Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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