I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
50% drunk capacity currently
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
