Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
