she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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