I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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