my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
