I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
