Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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