It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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