He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he fucked my hip out of place.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
