My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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