Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
