she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
