I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
