How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
