Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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