That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This baby is an asshole
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
