I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
