apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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