he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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