A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
